Seriously - Rough Week!!!

To be honest, our 4th week of school is underway and I have caught myself looking longingly out the window when I hear the school bus pull up at the corner of the street. That is my attitude this week. I have been reflecting on my whole decision to homeschool along with trying to decide if I am doing G more harm than good.

It's been a hard week (yes, it's only Tuesday night). G seems to push back or balk at everything I ask him to do (even the stuff he likes to do). I feel like I am spinning my wheels and I feel extremely frustrated. Not helping the cause is when I catch myself looking at the photos and status updates on Facebook posted by those happy-go-lucky mommies with kids in school that are going to Bible studies, having breakfast/lunch with friends and getting a much coveted pedi-cure.

Hubby (aka the Principal) happened to overhear one of the school interactions between G and me yesterday.  Hubs waited to talk with me later in day and he commented that he could tell I was frustrated with G. I told him that I was just overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle all the push back and whining about school work.  This very day, "Principal" happened to be in the school room (aka dining room table) and he saw how G was acting. He looked at me and all I said was, "now you know why I am frustrated."

Honestly, I am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the entire process. G spent two years in public school and I am sorely tempted to take him back, except for the fact that I don't think he would benefit from the experience. I fear he would be labeled, spend too much time in the office and/or fall behind because of his lack of motivation.

I began to reflect tonight while I was in the shower. I thought about how G acts in general even when school isn't involved. I realized that the last couple of months (even before school work began) he has been pushing back on everything. The push back has been even more severe when he doesn't get his way.

I reminded myself that I am a person who loves learning and reading that is trying to teach a kid that could care less about anything not related to video games, computers, Star Wars or swimming. I have talked with several other people lately who have commented that they too have children who feel that they "know it all"and no longer need anyone else to give them direction or explanations. These kiddos are not teens -- they are between 8 and 10 years old. So, maybe it's a phase!! LORD- I hope so.

Hubs and I have decided to take away the things that are dearest to G when the push back and attitude rear their ugly heads. We feel that we must stop the behavior by acting now. By my giving up on homeschooling, it gives him too much power. Besides, I brought my son home to have more influence on him and to have more time as a family.

To date, G has no TV or electronics for the next 2 days.  The benefit has began already because as a result he and the Principal have been reading books to each other since dinner.  So, he is learning and reading after all!! Plus, Hubs is in the mix and helping take some of the pressure off me.

I have learned that I need to evaluate our entire dynamic and not just focus on the school portion. By stepping back and looking at our family, I was able to see that it wasn't just the school work, it's the attitude and strong will of a very normal 8 year old boy.  I also learned that I need to ask for help from Hubs and not let myself get so frustrated and get to the point where I start letting those voices of self-doubt get a foot hold in my head.

It's been a rough week and I am hoping it gets better. I am praying G and I can meet on better terms in the morning. I pray that my heart and attitude are guarded against negativity. I also pray that G will be motivated to do as we ask without push back and that he is blessed by our time together.

I may need to go out for some "me" time and pick up some new PJs!!