An Internal Struggle

TGIF!!! TGIF!!! This week seems like it has gone on forever and that is no reflection on the homeschool part of our life. I have to keep reminding myself that "flexibility" is my mantra for this year. The problem is that "OCD-compulsive-list-making-rule following" side of me!! SHE needs to understand that we need to be ready to change on a dime. Some weeks are easier at this than others and I can keep her happily at bay when it all goes according to plan. But the past couple of weeks, SHE has been none-to-happy with me and my new love affair with my eraser.

Honestly, I have the hardest time not letting things go. I stress about getting it all done!! I stress about not meeting expectations. The problem with this last one is that I haven't been able to determine who's expectations I am not meeting!! My self-imposed LEGALISM is killing me. LOL

I have had to adjust many of the days of work ahead for us to compensate for Kiddo's activities. This is the first year he has been excited about any type of sport. To compound things, he has picked two that he loves (Cross Country and Swimming) that are in the same time of year and currently meet on the same days for practice. The Principal (aka Hubby) and I have never pushed him to stay in a sport or activity once he has tried it to determine if he will like it. These two sports, he relishes. We have seen an improvement in his confidence and his overall ability to focus. One of our reasons for homeschooling was to allow him to stretch his wings and try things he would not otherwise be able to do if he attended brick and mortar schools. Basically, use the time we have together to learn, experience new things and to grow!

A brief aside for a little momma brag: His swim coach told me yesterday that Kiddo was a pleasure to coach because he was eager to learn, responded well to coaching and was focused on improving his form. WOW!! My first response was, "I am so proud" and immediately after, I thought --"do you want to come home and go over math with him too?" Of course, I didn't say anything out loud yet, I thanked him for his kind words and explained we were very proud of him as well.

If I could only find a way to motivate Kiddo like that! I know it's because he's passionate about the sport and he also thinks it's a lot of fun. I am trying to find a way to work that type of approach into sometimes boring subjects. For instance, I must admit I was never a fan of math and that has not changed in my many years around the Sun. Kiddo likes math but struggles with math facts and memorization. He totally gets the complex functions and processes.  Half the time, he teaches me how to do something. We make a good team because I know the math facts and he knows the processes. Unfortunately for him, we can't always do the work together!

I can see it now.......(cue screen fade and dream sequence music here). Kiddo is at his desk at work and the boss needs a report ASAP. Kiddo and I are literally joined at the hip while he works on one part and I work on the other to complete the best doggone report his boss has ever received. Actually, this report will be the report in which all other reports are judged by... UHmmmmmm.. Back to reality here Ms. Paula. A girl can dream, can't she?? Who am I  kidding? I can't even get him to hug or kiss me goodbye in public! I highly doubt he's going to let me go to work with him. LOL  (cue bubble burst and insert reality).

Anyway, what I am basically rambling on about is that we made it another week. We completed the assigned work. Kiddo is actually learning through all the flexibility. He is learning key skills and wonderful character traits in his swimming and cross country. We now have to work on ME!

The "only" problem I have is truly letting it all go and allowing all my personalities (yes, I am talking to you Ms. Compulsive) to relax and just go with it. After all, he's not going to be young forever and I often fail to acknowledge the merits of the education he is receiving outside of math worksheets and lapbooks!

That is honestly how this mom is homeschooling this week! Check back next time and it could be all different.

I'm off to chant my mantra "FLEXIBILITY," "FLEXIBILITY," "FLEXIBILITY..........."

Tummy woes, Cuddles and more....

The last week of our life, my poor baby boy was hit with the nasty stomach flu (aka - rota-virus). It was not pretty and he even missed out on his First Lego League State Championship Tournament that he has worked so hard for the past 6 months! Yep, it was that bad!!

We are recouping and shuffling to get things done. Things like the laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning and more cleaning to rid our home of any traces of the remaining demon plague. In addition, we're trying to get some school work done.

A couple of good things come out of his being sick. I know, I know... how can I find pleasure in my little one's obvious discomfort??? But, while he was sick, he really wanted to cuddle and just be with me!! No fussing, no fighting, no back-talking, no nothing -- just those sweet blue eyes looking at me and pleading for me to make it all go away. In the midst of the cuddles, he would sleep and rest which is an obvious sign of his illness because this kiddo doesn't stop for anything other than TV and video games.

After the awful weekend, he felt he was well enough to make it to his robotics class on Monday. But, those two hours wiped him out and he was back down for a long winter's nap. For the next couple of days, he lounged on the couch sipping his Gatorade and nibbling crackers while I read to him. We read fiction and non-fiction books that corresponded to the our current study of India in My Father's World. We also did some math drills vs trying to do our lessons on the computer. It was a really sweet time of just bonding and spending time together.

Now my kiddo is on the mend and even went to Awana last night. This morning he shocked me with eating dry Mini-wheats and asking for a side of apple sauce. The appetite is returning. He has gone back to getting his regularly scheduled lessons done on his own but I have kept some reading to do with him later today because I know he will soon run out of energy and need a few cuddles to recharge his batteries.

At this point in his sweet life, (even before he got sick), he ran to see me each morning for "cuddles." I was explaining to him this morning that one day he would no longer want to cuddle with mom and yes "Mommy-kisses" would be gross. He laughed it off and hugged me and said "never!!" Oh my wonderful boy - oh that time will come and YES, it will much too soon for your momma. That being said, I will relish the time that he still thinks Mom is the greatest and delegates the first hugs and kisses of the day to me, even if it takes a stomach bug to make it happen!

Yes! This is how we learn!

I am happy to report our life has been relatively quiet and non-eventful, meaning our homeschool process is going well. We've gone on a couple of field trips, tweaked our schedule and accommodated last minute changes. My stress level with the kiddo has decreased but I think that has more to do with my expectations. Many times throughout the day, I remind myself that there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to teach my kiddo. Furthermore, as long as he is exposed to knowledge, albeit non-traditional at times, he is learning.

I was talking with a friend who shared that her mother-in-law was concerned that her children weren't learning anything by being homeschooled. Later at dinner with several extended family members including the 'concerned' mil, one of the 'uneducated' children was able to enlighten a family member of the merits of the Mona Lisa complete with information about Leonardo DaVinci. That's pretty impressive for a 4th grader. With smug satisfaction my friend was able to give her mother-in-law a knowing smile to say 'case closed'!! Her kids may not seem to be learning 'traditional' classroom elements everyday but are learning those skills in other ways!! All in all, the kids are growing and learning. 

Just as there are different parenting styles, coping styles, learning styles, and so on. There are different teaching styles -- traditional, Charlotte Mason, unschooling, classroom, experience driven and many many more. The great thing about it is that there is nothing wrong with any of them as long as our kiddos grow! 

Seriously - Rough Week!!!

To be honest, our 4th week of school is underway and I have caught myself looking longingly out the window when I hear the school bus pull up at the corner of the street. That is my attitude this week. I have been reflecting on my whole decision to homeschool along with trying to decide if I am doing G more harm than good.

It's been a hard week (yes, it's only Tuesday night). G seems to push back or balk at everything I ask him to do (even the stuff he likes to do). I feel like I am spinning my wheels and I feel extremely frustrated. Not helping the cause is when I catch myself looking at the photos and status updates on Facebook posted by those happy-go-lucky mommies with kids in school that are going to Bible studies, having breakfast/lunch with friends and getting a much coveted pedi-cure.

Hubby (aka the Principal) happened to overhear one of the school interactions between G and me yesterday.  Hubs waited to talk with me later in day and he commented that he could tell I was frustrated with G. I told him that I was just overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle all the push back and whining about school work.  This very day, "Principal" happened to be in the school room (aka dining room table) and he saw how G was acting. He looked at me and all I said was, "now you know why I am frustrated."

Honestly, I am feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with the entire process. G spent two years in public school and I am sorely tempted to take him back, except for the fact that I don't think he would benefit from the experience. I fear he would be labeled, spend too much time in the office and/or fall behind because of his lack of motivation.

I began to reflect tonight while I was in the shower. I thought about how G acts in general even when school isn't involved. I realized that the last couple of months (even before school work began) he has been pushing back on everything. The push back has been even more severe when he doesn't get his way.

I reminded myself that I am a person who loves learning and reading that is trying to teach a kid that could care less about anything not related to video games, computers, Star Wars or swimming. I have talked with several other people lately who have commented that they too have children who feel that they "know it all"and no longer need anyone else to give them direction or explanations. These kiddos are not teens -- they are between 8 and 10 years old. So, maybe it's a phase!! LORD- I hope so.

Hubs and I have decided to take away the things that are dearest to G when the push back and attitude rear their ugly heads. We feel that we must stop the behavior by acting now. By my giving up on homeschooling, it gives him too much power. Besides, I brought my son home to have more influence on him and to have more time as a family.

To date, G has no TV or electronics for the next 2 days.  The benefit has began already because as a result he and the Principal have been reading books to each other since dinner.  So, he is learning and reading after all!! Plus, Hubs is in the mix and helping take some of the pressure off me.

I have learned that I need to evaluate our entire dynamic and not just focus on the school portion. By stepping back and looking at our family, I was able to see that it wasn't just the school work, it's the attitude and strong will of a very normal 8 year old boy.  I also learned that I need to ask for help from Hubs and not let myself get so frustrated and get to the point where I start letting those voices of self-doubt get a foot hold in my head.

It's been a rough week and I am hoping it gets better. I am praying G and I can meet on better terms in the morning. I pray that my heart and attitude are guarded against negativity. I also pray that G will be motivated to do as we ask without push back and that he is blessed by our time together.

I may need to go out for some "me" time and pick up some new PJs!!

Week 2 complete

We have completed our second week of homeschooling and it was much better than the first. G's major disappointment was on Monday morning when we started our school work while the traditional kiddos had the day off due to the possible hurricane/tropical storm that was projected to hit out area. I must first explain before going any further that the storm went far west of the state and we really only had some rain off and on during the day. Nothing major and if anything it was a day off for play for traditional school kiddos. I explained to G that these children would indeed have to make their work up. There was no point in us taking a day off when we didn't have too. He is much happier with that decision now that Friday is here and he is out running errands with his dad!

That brings me to Labor Day and a non-school/work day for many. I am personally planning to do just a little school work -- mostly just reading. Overall we will take the day off but much to G's chagrin, we will be making up the work during the week and more than likely, next Friday will not be a free day!

I keep trying to get him to understand that we are doing our work so that we can take off and do other things during the year -- like field trips, go visit family, take beach days, Disney days, Busch Gardens days, play days, just-because days. I don't want us not to do school just because no one else is doing it. I would rather save up those times for those days we really don't want to do it. Plus, I am trying to get some type of routine started and with this being our 2nd week, I don't think the routine is established.

As he is 8 years old and assures me is a big boy now, I have shown him the books and talked excitedly about all we're planning to cover this year. For example, he loves elephants. Our study this year is about the different countries and cultures around the world. I purposely pulled out some info to show him that we would studying regarding elephants when we got to the Africa sections. This excited him. But then I flipped through all the stuff we needed to do before then. As we flipped through, I could see his eyes lighting up and he was pointing at different things. I think he finally understands. But, as we all know that in the moment we all understand but putting it into practice and feeling that excitement all the time is another story.

At least now, he has the proverbial 'carrot' he is chasing to get to the next section. I have talked up our starting North America next week and he is really looking forward to some of the activities it has planned for us. That is half the battle -- getting him to buy-in to what we're doing. In any event, he is learning. I am learning. And, it's all being done in our PJs!

Our First Week -- Ups and Downs!!

Yippee!!

We made it through our first week of homeschool. I must say that both G and I are very rusty in this whole focus-thing that is required to at least get started with actually doing something not related to the pool or beach.

I will admit, the first day was rough and there were facets of my personality I was none too proud of on that day. There were threats of bodily harm, attending public school again and me moving to a deserted island ALONE!  Whew!! But, G and I made it and agreed before the day was up that we needed to change some things soon as our process was going south real fast!! We stopped, prayed and regrouped.

Tuesday was our second day of school and it went much better. I made some adjustments to our schedule so that we weren't trying to do so much in one day. I allowed G to make some more decisions in regards to the order of what he wanted to study. Also, I encouraged him to share what kind of activities or ideas he had for how to make this more appealing to him. He shrugged and admited he likes what we are studying.  It is just the "having to do it" that bugs him. Okay -- he gets that honest!! I have always been notorious for not wanting to do what I was "required to do." For instance, back in high school, if I was assigned to read a particular book -- I HATED IT and dragged my feet to get it done. Whereas, if I had picked it up on my own, I would have gladly consumed it and even asked for seconds. I am hoping to engage him more and use his ideas for how we approach our study.

Wednesday was our third day and it went really well! I don't even think I raised my voice and he barely rolled his eyes! We are making progress!! Honestly, it was a better day because we just stuck with what was working and I took out the extra stuff I was trying to add. I decided (and discussed it with G) that we would hold off on the extras he and I agreed to add this year - like Spanish and cursive, writing until we were had a groove with the core stuff. It took a lot of pressure off both of us!

Thursday, today, was our final day of the week. I intentionally schedule a 4 day work week so we have an extra day in the event of a field trip, doctor's appointment, sick day, 'not feeling it day,' etc.... Today was pretty low key because to be honest, we were somewhat ahead of schedule even with all my ranting and his raving!!

That being said - we are making adjustments to our schedule and to be realistic, we'll probably be doing that through the entire year. Love the flexibility and freedom with homeschooling to do just that. Bottom line for the week: We still love each other and we are still homeschooling in our PJs!

Hope all of you had a successful first week or will have if you haven't started yet!!